


They had it coming

by UlsPi



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Doctor Who References, God Ships Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love Confessions, M/M, The Ineffable Plan (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 11:23:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale are sentenced to death. There are some confessions to make. Also, God appears and She is pissed.





	They had it coming

It was very much in the spirit of that never ending TV show Crowley loved so much, Aziraphale had had to endure watching it at least a thousand times, and since the show had been running with small sabbaticals for more than 50 years, at least it had always changed, as had the face of the main character (at a certain point he looked very much like Crowley, but before he fell). The point was, the eternal enemies were working together, and it would have been beautiful, had they not come together to kill both Crowley and Aziraphale.  
And apparently, Agnes Nutter got at least one thing wrong. They did choose their faces wisely, they swapped bodies, and yet, here they were, on the Tadfield airbase, in the company of Gabriel, Uriel, Michael, Sandalphon, Beelzebub, Hastur and Dagon. They didn't even stand on opposite sides. Yet they put Aziraphale and Crowley face to face.  
"It was decided," began Gabriel.  
"That you should see each other die," concluded Hastur.   
"It will hurt more," glowed Dagon.  
"It's poetic Justice," added Michael.  
"So, what is it going to be?" asked Crowley calmly (it wasn't Crowley, it was Aziraphale in Crowley's body).  
"Eternity in the deepest pit?" suggested Aziraphale (who in fact was Crowley in Aziraphale's body).  
"Oh no, we have secured ourselves a proper show," Hastur grinned.  
"Satan and God Herself will exzzecute you," informed Beelzebub wincing at the mention of the Almighty.   
"Lovely," said Crowley (Aziraphale).  
"Couldn't have thought better myself," shrugged Aziraphale (Crowley).  
"You are entitled to last words," Uriel felt uncomfortable with so much mercy.  
"Good," said Aziraphale (Crowley). "But give us some privacy, won't you?"  
Everyone suddenly found themselves very obliging and took a step back.  
Aziraphale (Crowley) came closer to Crowley (Aziraphale) and held his face in his palms.  
"Listen, I should have said it earlier, and I could never find the right time. I hoped we would in the end get there, but we have only reached the end. So, listen and listen carefully. I love you, angel. I have always loved you. Nothing, not even this idiotic cruelty, can persuade me that it's something wrong. I love you forever. If we are both gone, so be it. Better not to live at all, than to live without you. I love you."  
Crowley (Aziraphale) bit his lip at that confession.  
"Don't be sad, love. We even die together," Aziraphale (Crowley) closed the distance between their faces and kissed Crowley (Aziraphale) on the lips.  
"I love you too. I wish we had… world enough and time," whispered Crowley (Aziraphale).  
"We did, oh we did," Aziraphale (Crowley) kissed him again and nodded at the gathering around them.  
"So, what is this about?" came an irritated voice. A woman suddenly appeared next to them. She had an intelligent face, disheveled short white hair, wore a white pantsuit and was pissed beyond measure.  
"My Lord," the angels fell on their knees.   
"Shit," winced the demons.  
"Hey you," the woman waived at the demons and paid no attention whatsoever to the angels.  
"Thank you, my Lord…" began Gabriel.  
"Shut it," commanded the Almighty, for it was Her.  
"Our Lord is on his way," said Beelzebub proudly.  
"My condolences, he won't be coming. Has a very bad headache," informed the Almighty coldly.   
Crowley and Aziraphale in each other's bodies looked perfectly puzzled - and happy. They had another moment together, what could have been better in this situation?  
"You lot are such a disappointment. You were supposed to realise that you can work together, and you did, good job. And the first thing you do is to destroy two of my favourite creatures for exactly that, bringing you embarrassing assholes together. Oh my myself, I haven't been so pissed since I had to fall Raziel," she pointed at Crowley, "so that someone took care of the less bright fallen. Raziel, dear, I'm so sorry. Parents tend to be terrible to their favourite children, they inherited it from me."  
"No offense," said Aziraphale (Crowley).   
"Absolutely none taken," added Crowley (Aziraphale).  
"Now, you my sweet darlings, can swap back. Raziel, your Bentley is waiting for you outside the gate. Aziraphale, I forbid you to ever again mention his speed. Keep up, catch up, whatever. Oh, and you're married. The documents are in the car."  
Aziraphale (Crowley) held out his hand and Crowley (Aziraphale) gladly took it. In a moment, they were back in their bodies.  
"Tartan collar, really?" said Crowley grinning like mad.  
"Tartan is stylish, my love," smiled back Aziraphale.  
The angels and the demons were busy trying to return their jaws to the right position. They were failing.   
"Off you go, have a good life. If you need new bodies, you know how to find me."  
"We really don't," replied Aziraphale.  
"Pray, you idiot," said the Almighty kindly.  
"Thank you," said Crowley and bowed.   
"Oh, it's the least I can do for you, dear heart," the Almighty looked almost guilty.   
"I really don't want you to see what I am about to do with that bunch of my biggest disappointments."  
"See you, then," said the angel and the demon together, and walked away.  
"Now… shall we begin?" and the Almighty grinned.  
Crowley and Aziraphale got into the car. There was a manila envelope on the backseat, and when Crowley started the car, Aziraphale took and opened it.  
"What does it say, angel?"  
"That we are married. Valid in the whole universe. Signed by Her hand."  
"Brilliant. Now I don't have to propose."  
"Oh yes, thank God, literally," Aziraphale was relieved. "I don't have to propose, either."  
"Yeah, it saves me from discorporation by embarrassment."  
"Really, darling…"  
"No, no, angel, I would have gotten too emotional, even for your tastes. So would you."  
"Love you, Crowley."  
"Love you too, angel. Ritz?"  
"Oh, definitely."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. If you like it, can I hear a wahoo?


End file.
